The Cullens,Walmart,and Mike Newton
by piamina
Summary: The Cullens decide to break into Walmart!Join them as they play Truth or Dare, Strip poker, and trash Walmart by breaking their trampolines and making waterslides, letting animals loose and waterfights. Others may enter: Mike, Eric, Ben, and many others
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I WILL RULE THE WORLD! STARTING WITH OWNING TWILIGHT!**

**Alice: Well, you're not going to get very far….**

**Me: How about the characters?**

**Alice: I do not see that in your future.**

**Me: *mumbles* stupid, future-seeing vampire…**

**Alice: ex-CUSE MEE?**

**Me: What? I didn't say anything…**

**Chapter 1**

**EMPOV**

Everyone had gone to hunt so it was just me and Bella left in the house, everyone would be back soon. Me and Bella began to get so bored we invited Mike, Angela, Ben, Jessica, Eric and Lauren around. We were all sitting down and were playing truth or dare. Bella now had to ask Mike if he wanted truth or dare, we sat and waited patiently. After 5 minutes we began to become impatient "So Bella, are you going to ask me? I mean if you don't want to…I don't mind," Mike said smiling, I smacked him at the back of his head. I then heard him mutter.

"If only he knew that hurt more mentally than physically…" I smiled.

"Oh didn't it hurt physically?" I said raising my hand in the perfect position to smack him. Mike shielded his face.

"No what I meant was it hurt more mentally was because it hurt a LITTLE it and I had a headache…so combined that's a lot of hurt…but physically…it was VERY hard but um…yeah it wasn't AS hard…" Mike tried to recover.

"Ohh what's that? Is that the sound of someone digging the hole deeper for themselves?" Bella joked. Mike listened intently.

"THEM DIGGING PEOPLE PROMISED TO BE FINISHED BY YESTERDAY! Well at least I get to see them sexy twenty packs," Mike said, lowering the last sentence.

"What was the end bit Mike?" Eric asked, as Mike said it so low no one could hear. I reached in my pocket and got my megaphone.

"MICHAEL NEWTON SAID AND I QUOTE, WELL AT LEAST I GET TO SEE THEM SEXY TWENTY PACKS" I declared, Mike was now blushing. I then continued "…and as I recall women don't have twenty packs…so I'm thinking-" I was about to say before he interrupted.

"I meant twelve pack of _beers_…not torso…I'm not gay! And women CAN have twenty packs! I went out with someone that had a six pack!" Mike protested.

"mike the person you went out with was a tranny [**A/N transsexual :) no offence if your one :S] **…a buff tranny." Eric said.

"Eric you promised you wouldn't tell anyone," Mike whined. Everyone snickered.

"I would but then you slept with my grandma!" He said.

"Duude! How many times I went around the village but I did not _enter _the village!" Mike hissed, a bit too loud.

"Well it doesn't seem like it because the population of the village has gone up!" Eric debated. Mike's mouth opened wide.

"Damn-" I then interrupted him.

"Mike let's get this straight okay…Your gay and the only women with a pack of any sort is your mum, and that pack is a pack of rolls…." I said. Lauren licked her finger and touched her but making a sizzling noise.

"ooooooh burn!" Bella voiced. Mike looked at Bella.

"WHERE I'll lick it off?" he said desperately. Everyone looked at him.

"Calm down Mike," I said jokingly sticking out my tongue. "So Bella, are you gunna truth Mike?" I asked. Bella then gave me a death glare.

"EMMETT IN. MY. OWN. TIME." She said sternly I then nodded.

"oooh Emmett you got pwned!" Mike shouted. I looked at him.

"Mike you are top on my list of killing people so don't push me…" I warned. There then was a chorus of 'Ditto's' Mike then sat quietly. Bella crawled up to my ear.

"EMMETT!" I jumped from the loudness.

"What dearist Bella?" I said sweetly.

"I'M READY" she screamed. I jumped again. We just sat there silence.

"Okay then…I might need a new hearing aid!" I winced. Bella looked at me.

"No you don't silly you're a va-" she began without thinking…she was obviously still tipsy and sugar high.

"Very Cool person…" I saved. Bella looked at me smiling apologetically. 'Don't worry' I mouthed.

"So Michael-" Bella started Mike interrupted.

"Mike, it sounds more masculine!" Mike demanded.

"Okay so Michael your truth is… Dude, why are you so flipping gay?" She asked.

"I'd rather keep my private life private…" Mike said sincerely.

"Fine okay another truth then why didn't you choose dare? Are you afraid the almighty Bella power will make you look more of an ass?" she said smiling.

"Bella," I whined. "That's a crap truth," I frowned.

"Don't be jealous of Bella's power," bella said staring at me.

"Woah if looks could kill!" Eric muttered.

"If Only" I muttered staring at Mike intently.

"Okay then in all seriousness my truth is, how many times have you had sex?" bella asked. Mike then started counting on his fingers. Lauren reached out and put his hand down.

"Let me save you the time Mike THE ANSWER IS ZERO! Okay? You're a virgin deal. With. It!" She said firmly, everyone burst out laughging.

"Emmett you are too thought right?" Mike said. I nodded, everyone gasped.

"I mean yes I am. If you minus 3million seven thousand and twenty times" I said smiling. Mike then blushed.

Eric then patted Mike's shoulder as Mike placed his head in his hands.

"Ooooh Bella, my little friend is coming out to greet you!" Mike said smiling he then looked up.

"yeah Mike I'm a bit uncomfortable with this so I'm gunna let go…" Eric said letting go. Mike went bright red.

"I announce the beast has been released!" Lauren announced. Mike blushed more. Bella took a peak and was then sick on the floor.

"And that my friends is the cue for you guys to leave."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO Don't make me go please I beg you! Bella, my love. You love me! Don't care if it's past my bed time," Mike screamed. We all grabbed him and tried to force him out, but he was clinging onto everything.

**10 MINUTES LATER…**

After Mike begging to stay we finally got him out. It was just me and Bella now.

"So Bella it's 10 oclock, what shall we do?" I asked.

"Umm I'm hungry! Can we go to Walmart?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yeah sure…Oh Wait we can't it's closed because the manager's funeral is today!" I remembered. Bella frowned, but then smiled.

"Well that doesn't mean we can't go inside does it," Bella said winking. "Get ready. WE ARE GOING TO BREAK INTO WALMART!" She screamed. I immediately ran upstairs packing my bags full of high tech stuff, I then changed into a black hat, black jumper and black jeans. I then went downstairs to see Bella exactly the same as how I last saw her.

"Too much?" I asked. She nodded.

"Too much." She answered. I shrugged. I pulled out my walkie talkie and threw it to her. "Okay codenames I'm StrongDynamite and your FlopsyPinkBunny" I said smiling. Bella rolled her eyes but couldn't be bothered to argue, she climbed on my back and we ran off to Walmart. We soon arrived for once the car park was completely empty.

"I'll text Edward and the others to meet us in here when they get home." I said, getting my phone out.

_Dear, Edweird, Pixie, Jazzy, Rosiepoo_

_After your hunting trip come down to Walmart :) Sneak in, we're gunna have some fuuun :) it's time for the cullens and Bella to go on a unsupervised trip to Walmart x_

"Okay it's sent, I'll go ahead and you can follow my lead." I said. I then ran ahead, climbed to the roof on the way up I heard Bella mutter 'Screw this' I carried on.

"Every man to himself," I reminded myself I soon reached the top. I attached my harness and slowly lowered down until I reached the floor. I wiped a piece of imaginary sweat off my face.

"Phew. Okay Bella you can come down now " I shouted there was no reply. I was then tapped on the shoulder, I turned around with my hands in the air.

"It wasn't my idea! I just wanted some bread! I know your shut but I need bread is that a crime?" I said falling to my knees, I was tapped again, I didn't look up, I was then slapped. "hey I could get you done for that!" I said as I looked up, I then realised it was Bella.

"hey" she said smiling eating a tortilla wrap. "early breakfast" she said smiling.

"how did you get in?" I asked trying to work it out.

"Back door was unlocked." She said smiling.

"So all of THIS," I said circling around the harnesses and high tech equipment, "Was for _nothing_" I said, she nodded.

"Yep" So let's just have some fun!"

Ohh let's go on the water slide pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee" I begged. She then ran off to that direction.

"Already ahead of you." She screamed. Just as we nearly reached the aisle a person appeared. Damn.

"BELLA!" The person shouted.

The person Was Michael fucking Newton.

**Hope you like the idea of this story, it's literally gunna be the cullens Bella, Mike and maybe others in later chapters and there gunna trash walmart and have some fun :)**

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Trampolines,Mike,and Golden syrup

**Rings doorbell at Jacob's house*  
Me: So…..Jacob, why do you turn into a bigass dog?  
Jacob: it's called a **_**wherewolf!  
**_**Me:….a bigass dog…..  
Jacob: is there something you wanted? *stands in doorway impatiently*  
Me: Yea, as a matter-of-fact, TWILIGHT!  
Jacob: nope.  
Me: Then can I own your bigass dog powers?  
Jacob: IT'S CALLED A WHEREWOLF! AND NO YOU CAN NOT! *slams door in my face*  
Me: whatever. Vampires are cooler anyways**

**Previously**

_"hey" she said smiling eating a tortilla wrap. "early breakfast" she said smiling._

_"how did you get in?" I asked trying to work it out._

_"Back door was unlocked." She said smiling._

_"So all of THIS," I said creating a circling motion with my hands around the harnesses and high tech equipment, "Was for nothing" I finished, she nodded._

_"Yep, So let's just have some fun!"_

_"Ohh let's go on the water slide pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee" I begged. She then ran off to that direction._

_"Already ahead of you." She screamed. Just as we nearly reached the aisle, a person appeared. Damn._

_"BELLA!" The person shouted._

_The person Was Michael fucking Newton._

MIKEPOV

I was sitting on my bed going through my photo album of pictures of bella. It was carefully ordered into chronological order and each had titles such as:

**Walking to work**

**Driving to school**

**Leaving school**

**Her in lessons**

**Other Pictures**

Some say it's stalkery… However I think it's just a big coincidence that Bella ends up in my view of my camera lens. I had nearly 500 pictures. Thank god she hadn't found it. I would give it to her on her birthday, she would love me forever.

"MIKEEEEEEEEEEE" my mother shouted from downstairs. I sighed.

"WHAT?" I screamed back in anger.

"Don't use that tone with me young man!" She said back.

"Soooryyy I am not a young man! You said I was grown up. YOU LIED!" I said hurt.

"Honey of course you're an adult. Now stop sorting out Bella pictures and come down here." She said back.

"Why?" questioned, slightly embarrassed that she knew about my slight obsession towards Bella.

"Because I fancied a chat! No because Bella is on the phone!" She said. Immediately I rushed downstairs falling down the last half a dozen stairs. I sprinted to her.

"Where, where, where? I never get a phone call. And I get one from her!" I said out of breath. I looked for the phone, she held nothing in her hands, "Where's the phone?" I questioned. She laughed.

"April fools!" She shouted. I looked at her.

"Mum you may be old but I know you haven't forgotten, it's November…" I said angrily. She shrugged

"April, November what difference? If it means so much, November Fools!"

"Mum you can't just make your own holiday!" I said.

"Why not? That guy Jesus made up Easter and Christmas! Why can't i?" She debated. **[A/N: no offence to Christians! I am a Christian!]**

"I think that's blaspheming mother." I said. She shrugged.

"He'll never know." She said smiling.

"Mum Jesus knows and sees everything!" I replied. She looked scared.

"Please say he didn't see me last night with some magazines. While your father was out and in my room doing things…" She said.

"No mum Jesus does not watch you masturbate…" I clarified.

"I was not masturbating Michael!" She said astounded.

"Suuure and I'm gay" I said rolling my eyes.

"I KNEW IT! Me and your father both knew it!" She said.

"Mum I was joking." I said hurt. I then heard her mumble 'the closet is already half open…'

"Anyway. Michael you never get a phone call. If any girl called it would be for a restraining order. I just wanted you to get me some rice."

"Where mum. nowhere is open…" I said.

"Go to walmart! Just break in. No one will care!" She whispered.

"Fine. I knew your to blame for my rebelliousness!" I stated before setting off to walmart. When I arrived I ran through a window; thinking it would break like in movies. It did not break and I just banged my head and fell to the ground. I then looked at decided I would just break the lock on the rear entrance.

After getting in I began in search for rice. I then bumped into two people I never thought would be in here.

Isabella Marie Newton, I mean Isabella Marie Swan and some other dude. My eyes lit up with joy.

**BPOV **

"Mike…why the hell are you here…" I said through gritted teeth. He just smiled.

"Well I was sitting at home and decided. I would walk on the dangerous side of life and here I am. Breaking into Walmart." He said puffing out his chest.

"Oh you 'ard nut!" Emmett stated sarcastically. Mike glared at him quickly. "Lemme guess you're here to get your mummy some new toilet paper." Emmett mocked.

"Actually it's rice." He said in a matter-of-fact voice. Me and Emmett just started to laugh.

"So anyway you get your rice and me and Emmett will go over there." I said pointing in the distance.

"Which aisle you going to?" He asked. I thought quickly and looked at Emmett.

"Help. I can't lie for shit," I whispered so only vampire hearing could hear.

"Which aisle are you going to?" Emmett asked. I looked at him questioningly, wondering what he was doing.

"Aisle 5, how about you?" He asked. After thinking Emmett replied,

"Aisle 79. BYEEE" He said as he dragged me and ran away, I gladly followed.

"There is no aisle 79" Mike screamed after us. We carried on running, Emmett then stopped abruptly.

"What the hell Emmett?" I screeched I then stopped and looked was infront of me, trampolines, balls, waterguns and paint. Oh no. Not a good combination.

"Shouldn't we wait for the others?" I asked, trying to delay what was about to happen.

"No they text me saying they'll stay for a bit longer because Jasper wants to hunt more before seeing you," Emmett said,

"Okay great, but sure-" I started, before I could finish Emmett grabbed my hand and shoved me on the trampoline, followed by a bucket of red paint and footballs. We started jumping whilst aiming our paint filled water guns at each other. I was covered in paint, Emmett's accuracy was excellent. Mine however was shocking and he literally was untouched. I then gathered all the balls and quickly through them all at him. He dodged them easily.

"Hey no fair. You can't use your vampire powers!" I whisper yelled. He pouted.

"Fine then," He the moved at human pace which enabled me to get him covered in paint and hit with the balls. I jumped from trampoline to trampoline, strangely not falling off. Emmett quickly disappeared and reappeared with sofas, he then chucked them on the sofa.

"BOUNCEE!" He said climbing on them jumping so high he was touching the ceiling. All the trampolines broke almost instantly due to the great weight. Emmett frowned. "Aww and I was on a diet…" I laughed. Emmett then got something form a nearby shelf.

"Looky here Bella." In his hands was washing up liquid and golden syrup. I glanced over and saw one last trampoline. I nodded. We ran over and climbed on bouncing high whilst squirting washing up liquid and golden syrup. It awkwardly clung to my hair. Damn this will be hard to get out I thought, but I couldn't care less. The trampoline soon became slippery and we were jumping and slipping (and sticking) everywhere.

"Hey Bella watch this!" Emmett screamed. He then covered himself in golden syrup. "Try not to _lick _me," He said with a wink. I burst out laughing. "WATCH!" He screamed louder. I immediately looked. He took 5 bounces on the trampoline and shot into the ceiling where he stuck. I started laughing.

"Nice one Emmett!" I called up, smiling he remained stuck. My phone then rang. I sighed and reached for it, as I went to do so a stray bouncy ball landed on the trampoline, this made me catapult into the air since it was a metal one. My phone fell out my pocket and bounced on the trampoline. I finally grabbed it and picked it up.

**Edward **_Bella_

**Hello…Bella…Hello…Hello **His voice was panicky

_Sorry about that Edward. _I apologised.

**How are you? **He asked politely

_Fine. You?_

**Missing you like crazy. This is torture! We're all just going to hunt for about half an hour longer then we'll be on our way. Alice is blocking her visions from me! What are you doing in there?**

_Nothing, just daily grocery shopping _

Wow I was good at lying. I would have to thank Alice later for blocking her visions, I know Edward would rush over here if he saw what me and Emmett were doing.

**Shall I come home now I mean I'm literally full?**

_No no it's fine Emmett is looking after me greatly. And if you hunt fully now, you won't have to hunt again for a while._

Before he replied I then heard the sound of something unsticking and noticed Emmett quickly falling from the ceiling.

"_AHHHHHHHHHH"_ I screamed down the phone. Emmett landed on the trampoline and catapulted me into the air. I landed on the ceiling and stuck, covering the phone I whisper to Emmett.

"Get me down!" Stupidly I realised Edward could still hear me. Stupid Vampire hearing.

**Bella where are you? **

_No where don't worry got to go bye! _I quickly hung up, knowing Edward would be really worried, I felt guilty.

"Okay I'm coming," Emmett said. As he said this I looked down to see Emmett, a plank of wood, a massive barbeque and a barrel. Chucking the barbeque in the air it landed on the other side of the plank and shot Emmett into the air, he stuck to the ceiling and easily moved closer to me to unstick me. We both began to fall, I began screaming, we both landed on the bouncy castle, and bounced about 7 metres into the air five times before we stopped bouncing. We both rolled around laughing our heads off before we heard someone clearing their throats. I looked at Emmett and mouthed 'damn.' we looked to see who it was. Oh it was worse than I thought…

It was Mike Newton.

"I thought you left Mike…" I said.

"Nope," He said smiling widely.

"Yay," Emmett said sarcastically.

Mike came and joined up inside the bouncy castle. Emmett ran away at human pace and whispered 'wait there' to me. Waiting awkwardly with Mike, Emmett soon returned with two water guns. I then recognised them and smiled.

"Mike wanna have a water fight?" Emmett asked smiling. Mike nodded.

"Suuure," Looking around he saw only two water guns. "Where's _my _watergun," He asked. I smiled evilly,

"You don't have one," I said quietly, Emmett chucked me the water gun filled with paint. We began aiming at Mike and blasted him.

"WATER IS NOT RED AND BLUE. WHAT THE HELL?" He screeched, screaming like a girl. "THIS IS PAINT!" he screeched. Me and Emmett just laughed, looking at Mike fully covered in paint.

"Now _This_ I like," Emmett said whilst laughing.

**Doneee :) wooo happy (: I think you should review because I have updated a DAY earlier than I said I would :P Bet you weren't expecting THAT! :P**

**Me thinking foam fight next :L and the cullens will turn up :)**

**Reviews are appreciated and make me happy **


	3. Poker,Tennis,and Will & Pearl

***walks up to Bella*  
Me: You know, I have a rabbit named Bella.  
Bella: really?  
Me: Yea, I own her…  
Bella: …  
Me: Yea, I also have rabbits named Edward, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice….. so, do I own Twilight?  
Bella: nope.**

**Previously**

_"You don't have one," I said quietly, Emmett chucked me the water gun filled with paint. We began aiming at Mike and blasted him._

_"WATER IS NOT RED AND BLUE. WHAT THE HELL?" He screeched, screaming like a girl. "THIS IS PAINT!" he screeched. Me and Emmett just laughed, looking at Mike fully covered in paint._

_"Now This I like," Emmett said whilst laughing._

**BPOV**

"Guys, please, please, I just did my hair, guys please. It's lush today. Ow, guys, Bella my love!" Mike whined. We stopped temporarily, "See I know you love me Belly, no let's go back to my house." Mike said while smiling. I aimed my water gun at him,

"Don'..Love" I said taking shots at his chest inbetween each word. Mike whimpered to the side of the bouncy castle.

"Please stop, if there is a god, he hates me," Mike whispered.

"What a coincidence, my name is God and I do hate you." Emmett said smiling **[A/N: I don't mean this in an offensive way] **

We carried on shooting Mike until he was completely covered, after about 5 minutes we decided to stop. Emmett took the water gun off me and chucked both of them off the bouncy castle. Mike darted off the bouncy castle and returned with our water guns,

"Hah, revenge is sweet!" He screamed whilst laughing. I looked at Emmett resisting the urge to laugh.

"Oh no, Mike you've outsmarted us, I wish I had your cleverness." Emmett said sarcastically, however Mike misinterpreted this,

"Why thank you, people are quite jealous of my cleverness. I mean people always look shocked when I tell them my double figure IQ," Mike said smiling, "Anyway, so prepare to die" Mike threatened,

"Mike, if you didn't look like shit I would be scared. Actually no I wouldn't" I taunted,

"Bella I do love you but I must do this," He began. Me and Emmett both knew that the guns were empty. Emmett looked at me, I nodded,

"Right," I said,

"Left," Emmett agreed.

"MIDDLE!" Mike shouted, trying to be included. Emmett gave me the sign and we both punched Mike on the right and left side. Unfortunately our plan to knock him out didn't work.

"Oww, what was that for?" Mike screeched holding his face. Emmett said nothing but grabbed a baseball bat to lightly knock him out with, before it hit Mike, Mike passed out from fear.

"Well that was easy," Emmett said smiling. We picked Mike up and shoved him in the cupboard. We casually walked off and left him in there.

"Okay what shall we do next?" I asked.

"Well I'm pretty sure there is a pet store next door, I think we should take them for a little walk…" Emmett said smiling.

"I like your thinking," I said, "Let's go get some animals," Emmett immediately shoved me on his back and we legged it to the animal store.

"Its locked," Emmett stated,

"Well done captain obvious," I stated, Emmett pressed his face against the window.

"Ooooh Bella, look at the snake! I want it, I'm gunna name him pearl," Emmett said squealing, "Pearl Fiddlestickings. That name makes me horny" Emmett started jumping up and down and clapping.

"Emmett, it's a boy, giving him a girl's name will effect his ego!" I pointed out,

"Well my ego will be big enough for both of us! I'm going to get Pearl Fiddlestickings, and he will live in my pocket and I will play with him everynight!" I rolled my eyes,

"Well at least you have something else to play with at night!" I said laughing,

"Bella it's a secret!" Emmett scolded,

"I'm talking about playing with your penis, not your Barbie doll," Emmett glared at me.

"Bella, walls can hear you. I mean just shout out my love for barbie's why don't you!"

"Okay, EMMETT CULLEN LOVES BARBIES. Man when we get in prison for this, your gunna get killed by ya inmates," I teased

**10 MINUTES LATER…**

We had returned to Walmart after 5 trips to the animal store. We had dozens of animals, they were all in cages.

"It's time Bella, it's time to let the free!"

"Go on then,"

"Is it time though? Are we ready? I respect your decision," Emmett said.

"Aww Emmett, I'm flattered-" I began, but I was cut off by Emmett.

"SHUT UP FOOL, I WAS SPEAKING TO PEARL FIDDLESTICK!" He shouted, whislt petting the snake on his shoulder. "I apologise for losing my cool near your Pearl, just this girl makes me angry. Why are you wet? You need to dry up", Emmett grabbed Pearl's tail and swung him around in circles,

"Emmett, I will call RSPCA!" I screamed, trying to stop him, Emmett finally stopped.

"It's fine Pearl loves me, don't you Pearl," Emmett cooed kissing Pearl, Pearl bit him hard on the neck, but being a vampire Emmett felt nothing, "See Bellsy, he loves me, he's trying to give me a love bite!"

"No Emmett, you give him a girl's name and you swing him around violently, I don't think he likes you," I said. Emmett ignored me,

"OKAY RELEASE MY PRETTIES!" Emmett said as he unlocked all the cages and set them free "FLY MY PRETTIES!" He screamed laughing manically. I looked at him weirdly. The dogs ran straight to the dog food isle, the spiders scattered all over the floor; the snakes slithered under the shelves; the birds flew to the ceiling and the other animals went in random directions. "We did well Pearl," Emmett said patting Pearl.

Emmet why is there lobsters here? Where did you get them from?" I asked, Emmett smiled,

"Well let's say that shop down the road won't be selling lobster for the next couple of weeks," God, how many did he nick? I chose not to get invloved

"Now lets go play with the animals," I said excitedly. Emmett nodded in agreement and we rushed over to the dogs, who were on the trampoline. I was about to get on the trampoline when I saw a massive horse in the corner of my eye, I slowly turned to look at it.

"Emmett, why is there a horse in here?" I calmly asked

"Oh that's Will," Emmett calmly replied. I looked at him,

"Emmett, where did you get it from?" I asked astounded,

"I got HIM from the farm round the corner, along with some other animals," As he said that a cow appeared.

"Emmett!" I scolded, As I shouted the horse was scared so he ran through the shelves to the other side of the store.

"See Bella, you've made Will upset!" Emmett said racing after Will, I rolled my eyes. Emmett will probably be a while so I might as well do something, I then saw some lobsters and spiders. Perfect. I scooped as many as I could into my hand and poclets and sprinted to the cupboard with Mike in, I released them all into the cupboard. Mike began to moan and I knew that was a sign that he was waking up. I waited patiently, he screamed and the cupboard began to shake,

"Mummy, mummy, mummy! Aaaaaaah" Mike then stumbled out of the closet he stood up and shook all the spiders away, he then saw me standing there smirking.

"I'm not scared of spiders, I mean I just thought that it was the deadly poisonous spider. The one that would kill you," Mike said blushing,

"Whatever Mike, anyway let's go find Emmett" As I said that Emmett came riding up to us through the toilet paper isle on the horse with his snake on his shoulder.

"Hey Bella, I love Will and Pearl!" I rolled my eyes,

"I don't care Emmett, when's Edward going to be here?" I asked

"He's your boyfriend, you should know!" He retorted, I just gave him the finger **[A/N have you all seen the pics with Kstew giving the papz 'the bird'? what do you think of it?] **

I stormed off, of course Mike had to follow me…

"What shall we do bella? Oooh a cow let's go on it," Mike said, sprinting up to the cow and was jumping up to land on it's back, as he did this the cow stepped casually to the side leaving Mike to fall straight into the pile of cow pat, I was laughing hysterically. Emmett started to shout my name,

"Bella, Bella, help! Pearl get OUT of Will's arse. For god sake, this isn't some porn show! Stop, Eurghh, what the HELL is that coming out your arse Will? Because that is NOT normal! Urggggh eeeew Bellaaa," Emmett whined, I sighed and made my way over to Emmett

"Emmett what's wrong?" I said as I took in the scene infront of me, horse manure was on the floor, Pearl was covered in it and was licking it off his face, Emmett's feet were in the horse manure and the horse was bucking.

"Bella, stay where you are, I tell you now, it is NOT chocolate." Emmett warned. Oh no he didn't… I looked up and his mouth was covered in horse manure. Gross. Not wanting to be involved I ran off to the sports bit. A majority of the dogs where here,

"Want to play ping pong," I said to no dog in particular, none replied so I picked on up and dragged him over to the ping pong table. The dog was good I must say, well actually he only won because I kept tripping over my feet and missing the ball. I slammed my paddle onto the table,

"Your too good!" I screamed storming off. I went to find Mike. I found him sitting on a garden table, he was sat in a chair and the other 6 chairs were occupied by 6 dogs. They were playing poker, not just any poker but strip poker. That's not the weirdest bit, all the dogs were wearing clothes, most dogs were down to their bra and underwear. Mike however was wearing a boob tube and miniskirt. Mike didn't realise my appearance so he carried on. On the table were dog biscuits, Mike had a pile of them, they were being decreased rapidly because Mike was peckish. Mike screamed in joy

"Woop, Mr Labrador I win _again,_ take off your bra now! Woohoo," Mike said whilst taking off the dog's bra. "Aren't you looking fine!" Mike cooed to the dog. Mike dealt another round, "Aww man I lost, okay I'll lose my…miniskirt," He took off his miniskirt. He wasn't wearing any boxers. I was about to be sick. All the dog's eyes popped out.

"Yes I know I'm not wearing boxers; I was hoping to get lucky with Bella today, that's why. You know easy access!" Mike explained. Okay I was officially feeling sick. I picked up one of the discarded underwear and chucked it at Mike.

"GOING COMMANDO IS NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR YOU MIKE." I shouted in his ear, tipping over the poker table. Mike was going bright red

"My table," he whimpered, I walked off, but not before I heard him whisper to the dogs, "She's a feisty one she is, I like them feisty." I picked up my shoe and chucked it straight at his head as a result he winced with pain.

**EMPOV**

I picked up two sheep and brought them over to the paint isle, I grabbed cans of spray paint and began to pimp them up. I spray painted them pink and graffitied words on them, on one sheep I put:

**Yo like to see me naked, that's why you shave meh ;)**

And the other I put:

**I got pimped by EmmieCullenz boii! Honk if your horny. HONK HONK ;)**

I was proud with the finished result.

"Yes Emmett," I complimented myself. "Now to finish it off." I said running to get stabilisers, I placed them at the back of each sheep, I then got ipod speakers and placed them on the sheep. I got a piece of paper and scribbled 'Hello I am a astronaut, I have never failed a mission. My next mission is to explore your Uranus ;)' I then stuck it on the sheep. I stepped back and looked at my masterpiece.

"Oh Emmett, you do rock," I whispered to myself. I then set the sheep free. I could make a sheep pimping business! I shall invest in that.

**BPOV**

I calmly walked off to find Emmett. My feet began to hurt, as if by magic a horse appeared. I silently cheered as I leapt on the horse. We galloped around till we found Emmett. I then saw Emmett. Oh god. He was sitting in swimming trunks in a hot tub with a cow, Pearl, some cats, gerbils and rats. He had champagne in his hand.

"I would like to make a toast to our friendship, we haven't known each other long, but already we are best friends. I never thought I would have good a friends, I love you all so much," Emmett said to the animals, "Let's take a couple of minutes to reflect on our friendship." He said as he closed his eyes, as he did that all the animals all climbed out and went their own way. Emmett opened his eyes and saw me,

"Sorry about that Bella, anyway-" He paused looking at the horse I was on. "That's Will! Will you traitor! You said you were getting a drink! Well that treehouse we were building over there, consider it over!"

I looked at the treehouse, it was piles of wood, sellotaped together. Poor Will, notice the sarcasm.

"And bella, you know how much Will meant to me," Emmett said through his invisible tears.

"Emmett, I'm sor-" I began but was cut off by Emmett.

"Don't make excuses just leave." I turned to leave, "Actually Bella don't leave, I need you, your all I have left! Stay with me" Emmett said, he then began to sing Ironik – Stay with me, completely out of tune.

"Emmett we really need to find Mike and get these animals out of here!" I said, Emmett jumped

"Okay then, I'll be happy that they're gone," He said intently staring at Will. "But Pearl stays with me." Emmett confirmed. We went off to find Mike, I then heard sex noises, they belonged to Mike.

"What is Mike doing? Animal rape? What the hell is that noise he makes?" Emmett said covering his ears. We went to investigate. Mike was in a clear space with crayon drawn box and a cling film net. He had a tennis racket in his hand and he had a ball in the other, he was on one side of the net, on the other was a cow which had it's racket sellotaped to it's head. A sheep was in it's cage sitting on a stack of 20 chairs.

"Mike.." Mike looked over,

"Oh hey, just playing tennis with Marcus the Cow,"

"We can see that, please refrain from making them sounds and we need to get rid of these animals now Mike," I said.

"Wait there we're nearly finished. I _need _to beat him!" Mike urged,

"Mike it's obvious your going to win! It's a cow," Emmett stated. Mike shook his head,

"No you see Marcus is winning 5-2, he's tough competition,"

"HOW? He's a _cow_, he doesn't move!" Emmett shouted.

"Think what you may but this right here is the new Tin Henman," Mike said pointing at 'Marcus'. Emmett stomed over and grabbed Mike's tennis racket and chucked it at Mike.

"We don't care now help us get rid of these animals!" We then were about to begin but we heard voices.

"What the hell happened in here?"

"Bloody hell, they're screwed!"

"Typical, I knew I shouldn't of left him with her" Emmett smiled,

"I hear Eddiekins." Just then Alice, jasper, Rosalie and Edward appeared.

Edward then looked at me and smiled, i ran up and hugged him, his eyes travelled to Mike and he frowned,

"What is _he _doing here?" he snarled.

"Why is _everyone_ saying that? Am I not wanted?" Mike said upset. Everyone remained quiet not answering his obvious question.

"Sooo, what have we missed?" Alice said jumping up and down,

"Well if you look around and see all the animals, I think you can tell. A lot," I answered laughing.

**And that was very long :) Thanks to my reviewers! Love you all.**


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